Nasty Muslim Jokes


By Bernie on 12 Jan 2011

It's time again to amuse infidels and abuse Muslims with a collection of nasty, offensive Muslim jokes. Some have been adapted from the Internet, others are mine alone. Hope you enjoy them, if not, go somewhere else.

A Muslim walks into a brothel in Cairo and says he wants to pay to have sex with a Camel. The proprietor asks, "Will that be one hump or two?"

Q: Why did the prophet Mohammed (PBUH) go to kindergarten when he was 52 years old?
A: To pick up his wife.

Q: How come most unmarried Muslim men do not use condoms?
A: Little boys can't get pregnant.

Q: Why are Muslims always in a bad mood?
A: Because suicide belts chafe.

You might be a Taliban if you’d rather have your daughter raped than have an education. [More Taliban jokes at You might be Taliban if]

Q; What's the difference between a Muslim and a bag of dogpoop?
A: The bag of dogpoop doesn't smell as bad.

Q: Why do Muslims smell worse than dogpoop?
A: So blind people can hate them too.

Q: What should I do about the Muslim hanging out in my back yard?
A: Cut him down from the tree.

Abdul goes to a local Burger King and asks for 2 Whoppers, the cashier says, "Mohammed was not a bloodthirsty pedophile and Islam is a religion of peace."

Q: What did Mohammed say to his father-in-law when Aisha turned 10?
A: I'll swap you a ten for two fives.

Q: What did the judge say when the Fort Hood shooter's lawyer brought up the insanity plea?
A: Yes, we all know he is a Muslim, what else have you got?

Supposedly they are making land mines now that look like prayer mats. I hear prophets are going through the roof.

So I read this headline in a UK paper: "Pakistani men target young white girls for sex" Can you really blame them? Have you SEEN Pakistani women?




A friend of mine was furious that his daughter was going on a date with a Muslim and threatened her, "If you go out that front door with that Muslim, that's it, you won't ever be coming back into my house!"

You can imagine the smug look on his face at being proved right when the police called to say she'd been raped and murdered.





A lion in the zoo was lying in the sun licking its rear end when a visitor turned to the zoo keeper and said,“That’s a docile old thing isn’t it?”

“No way,” said the zoo keeper,“it’s the most ferocious beast in the zoo. Why just an hour ago it dragged a Muslim into the cage and completely devoured him.”

“Hardly seems possible” said the astonished visitor, “but why is it lying there licking its arse?”

“The poor thing is trying to get the bad taste out of its mouth.”





A little girl is standing on top of a cliff, looking down at the sea and crying her eyes out. A Muslim cleric approaches and says, "My child, why are you so upset?"

The little girl turns to him and says, "My mommy and daddy were in their car - and it just rolled over the cliff and smashed on the rocks down there."

The imam slowly looks around him, lifts his robe and while unraveling his loincloth says, "It's just not your day, is it?"





So Ahmed says to me, "I have brown eyes. I got them from my father.

My mother has black eyes. She also got them from my father."





There once was a man named O'Toole Who couldn't follow a single Catholic rule So he converted to Islam to start a new life And suddenly felt better about beating his wife.






do not screw sheep

A Muslim farmer walks into his wife's bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says, "Just wanted to show you the pig I've been screwing behind your back."

The wife says, "that's not a pig you fool, its a sheep."

The Muslim farmer says, "I wasn't talking to you."





A father is in the bath with his three year-old son.

Child: Daddy, why is my willy different to yours?

Father: Well son, yours isn't erect.


Do you like that "Do Not Bugger the Sheep Sign?" If so, there are more at 13 Weird and Wacky Signs for Muslims.








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