It is time again to offend hundreds of millions of followers of the most barbaric cult in the world. Here for your reading pleasure are 13 jokes sure to offend most Muslim Arabs.
Jokes which reflect real world events are followed by a link to my article on the matter in brackets.
- A sex therapist is travelling through the Middle East getting data on goat-sex.
First he visits Mahmud, an Iraqi goat herder on the outskirts of Baghdad. "Tell me" he says, "What method do you use for goat sex?" Mahmud replies, "Well I trap her head in a fig bush then attack from behind".
Next, the therapist goes to Egypt and visits Amar who works on the banks of the Nile, and asks him the same question. "Well" says Amar, I push her into the mud and when her back legs are stuck strong I grab her from behind and give it to her real good."
Finally he Visits Abdul in the Gaza strip and again asks the same question. Abdul answers, ""I stick her left front leg over my right shoulder and her right front leg over my left shoulder and as she stands on her back legs facing me ..."
"Hold on" interrupts the researcher, "this is unusual". "Unusual?" asks Abdul, "In what way?"
"Well," says the researcher, "all the other Arabs take the goat from behind, none of them face the sheep"
"What"! exclaims Abdul, "No kissing?"
- I had a upsetting phone call in work: my mother phoned me and said there were Muslims in our family tree. I went straight home and I'm glad I did - they looked so good hanging from there.
- Q: What do you call a Muslim woman on birth-control?
A: Making the world safer.
- Q: An Egyptian, A Syrian, and an Iraqi jump off a bridge, who hits the ground first?
A: Who gives a shit?
- 70% of Palestinian males say they enjoy sex in the shower; the other 30% haven't been to prison yet.
- Ahmed's wife, unhappy with his mood swings, bought him one of those mood rings so she could monitor his mood.
She discovered that when Ahmed is in a good mood, it turns green and, when he's in a bad mood, it leaves a big f*cking red mark on her forehead.
- An Arab woman walks into a London shop and buys 1 egg, 1 bottle of milk and 1 sausage, the shopkeeper asks - "You're single, aren't you?"
"Yes," she replies, "how could you tell?"
"You're an ugly c*nt!"
- I bought a Saudi woman's diary on e-bay:
Monday - stayed in
Tuesday - stayed in
Wednesday - stayed in
Thursday - stayed in
Friday - stayed in
Saturday - stayed in
Sunday - stayed in
- Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
A: Ask Helen Thomas' parents.
- I shit myself last night at the airport - a frigging Palestinian rushed in screaming "Allah Allah Allah Allah .... allava coke and a bag of nuts please," the stuttering bastard.
- An Englishman, Frenchman, American and a Saudi on a plane going to the U.N. in New York when all of a sudden there's engine trouble!
The pilot says over the P.A. system that there's only one parachute onboard.
The Englishman, ever the gentleman steps up, opens the door, shouts "GOD SAVE THE QUEEN!" And jumps.
The Frenchman, always the effin copycat steps up, goes to the door and shouts "VIVE LA FRANCE" and jumps into the abyss.
The yank then steps up, looks out the door at the two bodies gathering speed toward the ground, takes a step back then shouts "REMEMBER 9/11" and throws the Arab out the door!
- Q. How long does it take an Arab woman to take out the trash?
A. Nine months.
- A young Arab asks his father "What is this weird hat that we are wearing?"
"Why, it's a 'chechia' because in the desert it protects our heads from the sun," says the father.
Then asks the son "And what is this type of clothing that we are wearing?"
The father is Obliged to reply: "It's a 'djbellah' because in the desert it is very hot and it protects your body!"
The boy gets even more curious: "And what are these ugly shoes that we have on our feet?"
Again the father lovingly explains: "These are 'babouches,' which keep us from burning our feet when in the desert!"
Finally the son says, "Tell me Abba?"
"Yes my son?"
"Why the f*ck are we living in Detroit and still wearing all this shit?"
This has been a Thursday 13 post [# 66] and is updated on some Thursdays.