13 Things Women Say But Do Not Mean from Planck's Constant

How to Connect with the Men in Your Life

Photo Credit: Oprah.com

Some women may complain that the following examples are simply gender stereotypes and that I am a bigoted, chauvinistic, misogynistic, hateful pig. Let me assure you that I love women. I love them short, tall, skinny or fat. I personally believe women are superior to men intellectually. And most importantly: for balance, next week I will publish 13 Things Men Say But Do Not Mean that will also be gender stereotypical.

But just because they are gender stereotypes does not mean they do not accurately reflect the truth in a humorous way. Likewise I am not implying that women who mean what they say do not exist. In fact, this morning my wife said to me, "You're such an asshole," and I truly believe she meant it.

The following list of 13 Things Women Say But Do Not Mean is not exhaustive. These 13 are gleaned from the Internet and in some instances modified to reflect, in my limited experience, what women I personally know really mean.

Yes. = No.
No. = Yes.
Maybe. = No.
I'm sorry. = Oh, you'll be sorry.
We need ... = I want ...
We need to talk. = I need to complain.
Sure... go ahead. = Do it and you're dead.
I'm not upset. = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
You're ... so manly. = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.
This kitchen is so small. = I want a new house.
I heard a noise. = I noticed you were almost asleep.
Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive.
I'll be ready in a minute. = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.

N.B. These translations represent those of American women and I am sure women from other cultures will have different meanings attached to their statements. For example, in Muslim societies we may find statements like these:

I am so lucky, alhamdulillah (Praise be to God), to be your wife. = Please do not beat me so severely tonight.
I wear hijaab for honor,dignity and respect and importantly to please Allah (swt). = Oh, God. Please get me out of these hideous, ugly, oppressive shackles of black cloth.
No, no one raped me. = If I admit to that, they'll hang me for fornication.
Dear husband, buy me a pair of shoes. = My feet hurt walking to kindergarten every day.

This has been a Thursday 13 post [# 79] and is updated on some Thursdays.

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