Jokes about Islam are Not Funny
This is my 34th entry in the category "Muslim Humor". I know what you are thinking, "Isn't Bernie tired of offending Muslims?" To tell the truth, everything in western society offends Muslims; one would be hard put to find something that doesn't offend Muslims.
So rather than offend them accidentally, it is important from time to time to offend them on purpose. Perhaps in time Muslims will get used to it.
Nah, they'll never stop being offended unless we refashion the whole of our culture to suit them.
As always, I caution my readers that if you are easily offended, go somewhere else.
Some of these are my own, some have been adapted from jokes Muslims tell each other (but are not funny to American ears), and some I have found in the nooks and crannies of the blogosphere. Of course, the real reason I publish offensive Islamic jokes is that most Muslims are too afraid to do so on their own. Those few Muslims who try usually get arrested [see my article Why I make fun of Islam].
Many of my previous Muslim Joke articles have received comments from Muslims saying that my jokes aren't funny. Muslims miss the point, they think I am trying to ridicule their religion because I am mean-spirited; not true, I merely report what is in the news. I may give the news a humorous slant and publish the item under my humor category, but it is still news. If the news/joke ridicules Islam, it is because Islam is ridiculous on its own.
Take this joke:
Q: What’s the definition of a virgin in England?
A: Any female under the age of eighteen.
Q: What’s the definition of a virgin in France?
A: Any female under the age of sixteen.
Q: What’s the definition of a virgin in Islam?
A1: Any female under the age of nine.
or
A2: Any goat that can run faster than an Muslim.
Now you may wonder how does answer A1 have anything to do with the news. The truth is, Muslim girls nine and under are constantly being forced into marriages with older Muslim men. For example, in my article Sometimes Muslim Men Are Good to their Wives, I point to the story of a nine year old girl who had been forced into a marriage in Punjab Province, Pakistan. One could argue that this is a cultural thing among the Punjabi and has nothing to do with Islam.
But in the same article I also mention the sad plight of pre-pubescent girls in Saudi Arabia who commit suicide to stop the agony of being raped by their older husbands. One could argue that this is a cultural thing among the Saudi Arabs and has nothing to do with Islam.
In my article Arkansas Law Allowing Toddlers To Marry Repealed, I reported that girls as young as 12 are forced into marrying older Turkish Kurdish men in the UK. One could argue that this is a cultural thing among the Kurdish Turks and has nothing to do with Islam.
I can keep on giving you links until you tire of clicking to similar stories about girls under ten or barely out of their teens being similarly forced into marriage and sex with older Muslims from Indonesian, Malaysia, Turkey, the Middle East, and north Africa. The Muslim apologist will say this has nothing to do with Islam.
I disagree. And I merely joke about it. What is worse? Me mocking Islam or Muslims forcing young girls into marriage?
As for answer A2, what has having sex with goats anything to do with Islam? I have an answer, see my article How to get a Muslim`s goat - sex with animals where a Sudanese man has been forced to take a goat as his "wife", after he was caught having sex with the animal.
See, my "jokes" are not jokes at all, but simply reporting the news.
But what is revealing is not that Muslims are offended by jokes but that they are not offended by Muslim savagery. Here's a multiple choice:
The last time you saw a few hundred Muslims in the streets of America were they:
- Protesting Against some barbarity perpetrated by fellow Muslims?
- Chanting in support of Hezbollah and the bombing of Israeli cities? (1)
- Holding an anti-American, anti-Israel demonstration? (2)
- Supporting America's Islamic terrorist enemies? (3)
If you picked answer 'A' then you, my dear friend, know nothing about Muslims. You will notice that I have links for answers B though D and no link for answer 'A'. That is because no such link exists.
But this is all too serious, let's have at some jokes.
Q: Why does Osama make his wives wear veils?
A: Because he gets jealous when their mustaches are bigger than his.
Q: How does Osama bin Laden practice safe sex?
A: He marks the camels that kick.
Q: What is it called when a Muslim woman threatens to kill you?
A: A veiled threat.
Q: What is Homeland Security's official term for a Muslim terrorist?
A: "The Victim."
Did you hear, the guy who played "Buckwheat" (a black child character in the "Little Rascals" comedies of the 1930s and '40s) recently converted to Islam. His Muslim name is now Kareem a-Wheat.
Q: What's the difference between a woman with a terrible case of PMS and a Muslim terrorist?
A: You can negotiate with the woman.
ENDNOTES
(1):
ADL, Anti-Israel Protests -- 2006
September 30, Brooklyn, NY Rally co-sponsored by the Pakistan-USA Freedom Forum and the Coalition in Solidarity with the Arab People, which is made up of several groups, including Al-Awda, the International Action Center (IAC) and New Jersey Solidarity.
More than 100 protesters participated in the rally. One Al-Awda activist, Samia Halaby, displayed a t-shirt with the Hezbollah logo. Signs at the rally included, “U.S. and Israel OUT of Arab Land” and “Victory to the Intifada.” Speakers, representing the different groups involved in the rally, praised Hezbollah in their speeches. During her speech, Charlotte Kates of New Jersey Solidarity stated: “Our troops are Hezbollah. Our troops are the Palestinian resistance, and we do support our troops. And we will struggle and we will build the resistance here until all Palestine is free.” An Al-Awda speaker declared: “We are all Hezbollah…I believe in armed struggle…Sixty years ago Arab lands were the Zionism free land…in less than another sixty years Palestine and Arab lands will be a Zionism free land again.” Another speaker led the crowd in chants of “long live the intifada!”
(2):
Jihad Watch, Spencer: Khomeini in Dearborn
Last Friday, Muslims in Dearborn, Michigan, held an anti-American, anti-Israel demonstration. Protestors carried a large model of Jerusalem’s Al-Aqsa Mosque and waved signs bearing slogans such as “US Hands Off Muslim Land.” But the most arresting image was of a Muslim woman carrying a large sign featuring the face of the Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini.
Time dims memories. I wonder if any onlooker at the demonstration saw the Khomeini sign and remembered those tense days of the Iranian hostage crisis, when Khomeini’s regime violated the traditional sanctity of the embassy and held 50 Americans for month after month while Jimmy Carter dithered.
(3):
The Unalienable Right, "Americans" for Hezbollah
Daily protests occur in Dearborn. At one recent demonstration, organized by the Congress of Arab-Americans, about 1,000 people attended. College-age men asked, in call and response fashion, "Who is your army?" Protestors responded: "Hezbollah." "Who is your leader?" they were asked. "Nasrallah," the chanters responded. Many carried placards of the Hezbollah leader. A few days earlier at an even larger demonstration, more than 15,000 turned out, about half of Dearborn's Arab community.
